With one quick google search, you will find a million opinions of what borderline personality disorder is- and so many of those answers are either untrue, exaggerated or distorted from reality. So what truly is the reality of borderline personality disorder, and how does it affect those of us who have it and the people around us?
Borderline personality disorder is said to be an extreme form of PTSD for some of us, poor raising for others, and traits that are genetically ingrained for the rest. There are some doctors who explain that it is a wonderful combination of all of the above, but no matter what brought us here, the results can be a doozie to deal with and to live with on a day-to-day basis.
Think of being sensitive- to the extremes.
Think of every little thing, good or bad, affecting you to the point that when someone hurts you, rejects you, offends you, or makes you feel disappointed or invalidated that you can't breathe.
It's like the littlest comment about something you thought you did well on can make or break your own feelings about your accomplishments.
It's like walking into a room, looking at everyone, assessing them, and feeling that they all hate you, for no reason.
It's being afraid to speak your own truth, your own feelings, and about your own personality because you are afraid they will hate you.
It's being unable to define your own personality because you are afraid of being someone everyone else will hate.
To me, where it stemmed, was being critiqued and rejected so many times by other people. It was when I did something that literally caused someone to want to hurt me, and when they hurt me, I learned to try to do damage control before it happened.
It's believing that every time someone hurts you or left you, it was because of you. And feeling like somehow you can control it. In order to control it, and to prevent the hurt of rejection or hate, you try to fit into a different mold, until the real you surfaces, and when you surface and get tired of the pain of hiding yourself you blow up.
Being borderline means fearing at all times that you are someone that is toxic. When in reality, we are all toxic at times, and honestly, we learn, we grow and we evolve. Being borderline is being human. And while most don't want to admit it- we all have extreme tendencies. What makes us different, is learning, growing and changing. Which is harder when trauma gets involved.
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